Fifty Shades of Joestar
by High Roller Yunalesca
Summary: [Parody of "Fifty Shades of Grey;" also a mega crossover] Bowser decides to take his wife Jolyne's mind off of his mortality by surprising her with an unforgettable bedroom experience. Rated T for sexual themes.


**A/N: I present to Toku and everybody else an early April Fools' gift from the Claudillus islanders. (Claudillus is what I named the island in my _Tomodachi Life _game.) Here, I'm taking a shot of the extremely popular yet highly controversial _Fifty Shades of Grey_. Let's just hope I didn't get too far with the sexual themes. Enjoy!**

One day on Claudillus Island; Jolyne Cujoh, her husband Bowser Koopa, their daughter Sophie, Drew Pickles, Barney the Dinosaur and his family, Ronald McDonald, Spongebob Squarepants and his wife Marceline Abadeer, and Sponge the third Mario brother were gathered around the picnic table and eating lunch together. This afternoon, they were all reminiscing about the day Spongebob and Marceline got married. Jolyne and Bowser had been especially happy for them since nobody outside the island would've thought they'd get together (especially not the Bikini Bottomites or the inhabitants of Ooo).

Suddenly, Sophie let out a heavy sigh.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" Jolyne asked her human-Koopa hybrid daughter.

"I just had the most depressing revelation ever." Sophie said. "Spongebob's gonna die at some point and Marceline'll be left all alone."

"I know, but the important thing is that at least he'll have died with his wife and son by his side."

"Mom, don't tell me you've never thought about what life might be like after Dad dies."

Jolyne was taken aback by this. "I... I try not to think about it. I mean, don't get me wrong: everybody has to die eventually. But I don't know how I could go on without your father, especially when he happened to sweep me off my feet after I broke up with Zach."

Bowser overheard this and added, "I think I know how to fix that, Jojo. How about we have a little fun tonight with some old friends?"

"Are... are you sure?" Jolyne asked uncertainly.

"Oh yeah..." he answered coolly.

* * *

**Later that evening...**

Jolyne sat inside her one-room apartment alone. She couldn't wait to see what Bowser was going to do, but at the same time she wanted to stay here just a bit longer. Her meditation was soon over when she heard a familiar voice call out to her.

"Mr. Koopa will see you now." said an unmistakably suave female voice.

"Hermes?" Jolyne asked aloud. "But how? You're dead."

"Just a little magic, that's all."

"If you say so..." She then muttered, "Wow, and to think I'd never see you again..."

"Yeah, yeah, now c'mon. He's got somethin' special planned for ya."

Jolyne left the room and was soon after immediately blindfolded. She then walked arm-in-arm with her resurrected friend over to her husband's apartment. When they got inside, Hermes removed the blindfold from her friend's face and gestured at the reptilian beast in all his naked glory.

"Well, whatcha think?" Hermes asked her friend.

"Well, I..." Jolyne was trying to come up with a straight answer, but what she saw made her speechless.

The entire room was decorated for this special occasion. The walls were a bloody red, the woolly carpet was such a dark gray that it looked like black velvet, there was a queen-sized bed with a spiked frame and a black leather mattress filled with shredded paper, and best of all a rack that would suspend its user by the arms above the bed.

"Do ya like it?" Hermes asked again.

"I... It's interesting, alright." Jolyne said.

"Alright, I'm gonna go now."

"Well, it was nice seeing you again."

The dreadlocked woman went out the door and made her departure, leaving Jolyne alone with her husband.

"I see you went through the trouble of renovating your place just for us..." Jolyne said seductively. "...and you brought Hermes back. So tell me, what else you got up your sleeve?"

"Much more than I'll let you know..." Bowser crooned. "Why don't you get on the bed and I'll show you?" He bounced his brows up and down in an attempt to amplify the sexiness of his charisma.

"Alright, Mr. Koopa. I'll do that but first..." The Joestar girl pointed at the rack. "...you gotta show me how that thing works."

"Gotcha."

He sweeped his human wife off her feet and placed her on the bed. He then sat her up and tightly bound her hands to the rack's chains.

"Are we good to go?" Jolyne asked her honey.

"Affirmative." he chuckled with confidence. "Now just a heads up: the safety word is 'fuzzy pickles.'"

With that out of the way, Bowser began to slobber his tongue all over her neck and chin. Jolyne could feel her heart racing as he licked every square inch of her face, but she knew she couldn't do anything about it right now (not that she wanted to, anyway). She managed to suppress a few whimpers as her king now made his way down to her chest. He was especially eager to get ahold of his wife's ample breasts. Naturally, she obliged.

"Maybe after this, I can penetrate your chocolate starfish?" he asked sweetly.

"Huh?" she squeaked. "Chocolate starfish?"

"Your anus, dear."

"Ugh, I know. Is that the best nickname you could come up with, though?"

"Sorry, I'm being way too creative today. Would you like to taste my Bowser-flavored popsicle?"

"Uh... maybe keep it to yourself for this one."

Bowser shrugged and continued to lick his wife from the top to the bottom of her torso. After swirling his tongue around the insides of her navel and the contours of her ribcage, he proceeded to move on to her armpits.

Jolyne felt ready to explode with euphoria and screamed out, "Ah, ah, fuzzy pickles! Fuzzy pickles!"

Now she was exhausted and ready to doze off. Being the dutiful husband he was, he freed her from the rack and had her collapse on the bed. He then joined her for a nice, relaxing nap.


End file.
